Tortoise

by Michael Hahn

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1.
Hiatus 04:41
she's leaving on the train today red blending out my comfort pain sometimes wishing crush would let me lay residue stains cluttered in her wake she's pulling everything from me left lonely seeking sanity AND I WON'T HELP YOU DESTROY YOURSELF WHEN YOU CAN'T LET ME BE AND I WON'T BRING YOU DOWN TO MY LONELY LEVEL WITHOUT ME so quiet hate becomes my free it's only one who cannot see my soul has washed the spirit clean it's funny how lifeless it all seems AND I WON'T HELP YOU DESTROY YOURSELF WHEN YOU CAN'T LET ME BE AND I WON'T BRING YOU DOWN TO MY LONELY LEVEL WITHOUT ME it's funny how lifeless it all seems
2.
Gone Wrong 02:45
stolen quietly just to hide now it's taken us so long i've left less here to confide when did everything go wrong? WELL I GUESS IT ALL WORKS OUT ONE LESS THING WE'D LEFT OUT WELL AT LEAST WE'D SAY WE TRIED i'm leaving myself behind slipping through your hands your belief in me i keep in my mind but my fear still defends WELL I GUESS IT ALL WORKS OUT ONE LESS THING WE'D LEFT OUT WELL AT LEAST WE'D SAY WE TRIED when did everything i know go wrong? when did everything i know go wrong? why did everything i do... WELL I GUESS IT ALL WORKS OUT ONE LESS THING WE'D LEFT OUT WELL AT LEAST WE'D SAY WE TRIED yeah, i tried when did everything i know go wrong?
3.
Grey 06:09
and if the sky were to wash away tomorrow would you remember me? all we'd never see so far away when you're with your friends, no jealousy wait and see they're doing all the things you'll never do always wanted to and if the sky were to wash away tomorrow would you remember me? all we'd never see, wait and see when you see your friends, no jealousy wait and see they're doing all the things you'll never do always wanted to I JUST WANT TO BE THE WAY I USED TO BE I JUST WANT TO BE THE WAY I USED TO BE I JUST WANT TO BE FREE I JUST WANT TO BE ME WHY CAN'T I DESTROY MY PRIDE AND LIVE AS MYSELF AGAIN? and if your friends were to walk away tomorrow would you feel jealousy? all you'd ever be, wait and see if i left you here by yourself could you deal with everything yourself? I JUST WANT TO BE FREE I JUST WANT TO BE ME I JUST WANT TO BE FREE BUT I DON'T WANT MY PRIDE TO GET IN THE WAY JUST WANT TO BE WHO I WANT TO BE DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO LEAVE YOU HERE JUST WANT TO BE FREE IN MYSELF I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO LEAVE YOU HERE
4.
Own Me Total 06:00
let me fill you up until you can stand me no more wait and see that i'd be the one to help you through your life i don't understand what i do to myself and to you finally found a way back inside finally found a way back inside AND IF I GAVE IT ALL I COULD NOT GET ENOUGH BUT SOME DAY IT WILL ALL COME TO AN END FINALLY FOUND A WAY BACK INSIDE i just want to be your only we're nothing without each other know that first, oh you're my drug your comfort is my everything my one and only love finally found a way back inside AND IF I SAID IT ALL I COULD NOT GET ENOUGH BECAUSE I STILL HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO PLAN AND IF I KILL MY FRIENDS STILL WOULDN'T FIND AN END BUT SOME DAY THIS ALL WILL END FOR US FINALLY FOUND A WAY BACK INSIDE FINALLY FOUND A WAY BACK INSIDE let me have the pleasure of knowing you love me or can't you bear to see me satisfied? oh, i just want you to love me even though i can't love myself HAVE I SAID ENOUGH? DO YOU WANT ME TO BE THERE FOR YOU FOREVER UNTIL WE DIE? I FINALLY FOUND A WAY BACK INSIDE FINALLY FOUND A WAY BACK INSIDE
5.
what makes you so afraid? is it the pain i feel? what do you need from me? will you be satisfied? is it what i can't believe? or is it what you refuse to see? I'D GIVE THE WORLD TO YOU LIKE YOU'D WANT ME TO I'D GIVE THE WORLD TO YOU BUT ALL I HAVE IS WHAT YOU SEE NOW what makes her turn away? is it the need i feel? what can she see in me? is she content with me? is it what i cannot see? or is it what she gave to me? I'D GIVE THE WORLD TO YOU LIKE YOU'D WANT ME TO I'D GIVE THE WORLD TO YOU BUT ALL I HAVE IS WHAT YOU SEE NOW oh, yeah my juliet i'd give the world to you like you want me to i'd give the world to you but all i've got is what you see now I'D GIVE THE WORLD TO YOU LIKE I KNOW YOU WANT ME TO I'D GIVE THE WORLD TO YOU BUT ALL I HAVE IS WHAT YOU SEE NOW I'D GIVE THE WORLD TO YOU LIKE I KNOW YOU WANT ME TO I'D GIVE THE WORLD TO YOU BUT I CAN'T
6.
Better About 04:52
go ahead, push me down call me a faggot does kicking me make you feel better? do you hate me because i'm different or do you see you in me something you might be DOES CALLING ME A FAGGOT HELP? OH, NO DOES CALLING ME A FAGGOT HELP? are you scared you might be me? all this shit you pull every day are you really hard? or are you scared you might be soft? does calling me a faggot help? DOES CALLING ME A FAGGOT HELP? OH, NO DOES CALLING ME A FAGGOT HELP? OH, NO do you think I'm a faggot or do you want to fuck me? there, does that feel right? does that feel right when it's you you hate being called i bet you hate being called hate being called a faggot called a faggot don't you, faggot? DOES CALLING ME A FAGGOT HELP? OH, NO DOES CALLING ME A FAGGOT HELP? OH, NO YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE BECAUSE KICKING YOU BECAUSE KICKING YOU BECAUSE KICKING YOU BECAUSE KICKING YOU BECAUSE KICKING YOU MAKES ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF
7.
Psilocybin 05:07
i know that you needed me i wish i could need you more you think i would want it all but i wish i could just start off small but you know how life can treat you bad and you know how life can bring you down i know you wanted that baby back she'll never see her daddy again I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD SET ME FREE I WISH I WAS NOTHING LIKE ME I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD LISTEN TO ME I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD SET ME FREE and inside is where it's kept sticks or stoned doesn't mean a thing i know i could have it all i only wish i could just start off small I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD SET ME FREE I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD LISTEN TO ME I WISH I WAS NOTHING LIKE ME I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD SET ME FREE and it seems i was wrong just one step will get me gone and it seems i could try I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD SET ME FREE I WISH I WAS NOTHING LIKE ME I WISH, I WISH, I WISH, I WISH BUT WISHES DON'T COME TRUE NO, THEY NEVER DO
8.
Minus One 03:01
(instrumental)
9.
Clover 04:49
take me away from this bitter hatred between me and myself take me away from this bitter hatred between me and my dad take me away from this bitter hatred between me and my friends take me from this love i have for those who hurt me LIKE IT MATTERS ANYWAY jealousy and empathy come one in the same and i've been the same 23 times before LIKE IT MATTERS ANYWAY i've been the same so many times before i've been the same so many times before i've been the same 23 times before times before i've been the same and this is what she said LIKE IT MATTERS ANYWAY
10.
Comfortable 03:30
i don't need anyone to tell me how to be i don't need anyone trying to be me it's my life i'll do what i want to it's my life i'll live it how i want to i don't need anyone to make me comfortable i don't need anyone to tell me how to be comfortable i'm comfortable in this place of mine this place of me i'm comfortable in what i have I DON'T NEED ANYONE TO MAKE ME COMFORTABLE I DON'T NEED ANYONE TO MAKE ME COMFORTABLE OH, NO I'M COMFORTABLE i don't need anyone to make me comfortable i'm happy in this place i've created for me comfortable comfortable
11.
Cockroach 03:09
i will leave this place never to return again all the things you say you always try to get me to stay no matter what you do i always will return i'm always in your mind and in your heart i'll always return i won't leave again always be here watching you sitting there so beautiful smoke your cigarettes and ask me "how was your day?" i will always come back i'll always return
12.
Getaway 05:23
fast to get away i seem to be stuck here she stands above me preaching what she wants me to hear but i'm gonna get away, i swear to god yeah, i'm gonna get away, i swear to god one of these days i'm gonna get away, i swear to god BUT SHE ONLY WAITS FOR ME SHE DON'T NEED ANY HOME SHE JUST WANTS TO BE WITH ME I SWEAR I MAY NOT LEAVE HER TODAY BUT I'M GONNA FIND SOMEONE ELSE I'M FAST TO GET AWAY she don't know what i want she has no clue she just sits there staring got nothing to do she don't care about what i think she just uses me for my... uh, mind she just uses me for my mind SHE JUST THINKS OF ME AS SOMETHING SOMETHING TO SHE JUST THINKS OF ME AS SOMETHING ELSE TO PLAY WITH STILL A KID SHE DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS JUST THINKS OF ME AS ANOTHER TOY WELL, FUCK HER because i found someone new because i found someone new i am so happy i found someone new and i won't ever be hurt again she loves me i have never been so happy because she loves me listen, bitch, all you did was use me but i've got a new girl and i can't explain how content i am, oh there was a time when you thought i cared for you FUCK YOU I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE I GOT A NEW GIRL SOMEONE THAT I CARE FOR SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME BACK AND I'M FAST TO GET AWAY FAST TO GET AWAY AND NOW I'M GONE
13.
Dividend 01:20
(instrumental)
14.
i give in to esoteric needs empty life becomes esoteric seeds I WANT TO BE ALONE, BUT I CAN NOT STAND ALONE, AND I WILL NOT FALL AGAIN, SO I DON'T CRUSH YOU AGAIN i have fallen prey to what you have said i will lose myself return, dying, dead I WANT TO BE ALONE, BUT I CAN NOT STAND ALONE, AND I HOPE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, SO I LOSE MYSELF AGAIN i will kill myself before i allow what is left of me destroy what's right of you I WANT TO BE ALONE, BUT I CAN NOT STAND ALONE, I NEED YOU WITH ME AGAIN, SO I WILL NOT DIE AGAIN don't take my little town away don't take my family away don't take my little town away i already miss the four of you don't take my little town away
15.
C.O.D. 05:59
tell me what i am to do little boys with their hands folded tight little girls, legs crossed, submissive with fright tell me what i am to do speak to me of salvation i can't get it through the t.v. so what am i to do? i can't get salvation through my television so tell me what i am to do SEND ME TEN-DOLLAR SALVATION SEND ME TEN-DOLLAR SALVATION are you lying to me? don't you know that's a sin? are you lying to me? can you heal me? can you heal me? are you lying to me? don't you know that's a sin? are you lying to me? don't you know that's a sin? SEND ME TEN-DOLLAR SALVATION, YEAH SEND ME TEN-DOLLAR SALVATION you know what i think of you? you know what i think of you? you know what i think of you? YOUR SPEAKERS ARE BRILLIANT YOUR MORALS ARE CLEAN I DON'T NEED YOU BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY THAT THIS GUILTLESS PARADING IS SIN I DON'T NEED BOOKLETS TO LET JESUS IN IF I AM SAVED, WELL I'LL KNOW FOR MYSELF IF NOT I'LL SEE YOUR CORRUPT FACE IN HELL SEND ME TEN-DOLLAR SALVATION you already know what i think of you are you lying to me? don't you know that's a sin? are you lying to me? are you lying to me? sinner NOT YOUR PRAYERS NOT YOUR BOOKS I DON'T NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT I AM TO DO WITH MY LIFE MOM TAUGHT ME FINE I DON'T NEED TEN-DOLLAR SALVATION THROUGH MY T.V. STOP PREACHING TO ME STOP PREACHING TO ME MOM TAUGHT ME FINE NOT YOUR PRAYERS NOT YOUR BOOKS NOT YOUR PREACHER'S GUILTY LOOKS
16.
Over 03:00
saw the news today on my t.v. they said the world as we know it is over well, what the fuck do they know anyway? fuck the world and fuck my t.v. WELL, THANKS FOR NOTHING THANKS FOR NOTHING, MY FRIEND WELL, THANKS FOR NOTHING, YEAH THANKS FOR NOTHING, MY ONLY FRIEND radio said the same as t.v. that day radio said the same as t.v. that day well they said, THANKS FOR NOTHING, YEAH THANKS FOR NOTHING, MY FRIEND I SAID, THANKS FOR NOTHING THANKS FOR NOTHING, MY ONLY FRIEND I SAID, THANKS FOR NOTHING THANKS FOR NOTHING, MY FRIEND I SAID, THANKS FOR NOTHING YOU SURE GAVE ME NOTHING MY FRIEND
17.
Night Dreams 06:01
i create both my hate and my joy first and last, i know this let them into your life gain everything win, lose, live it's all the same so let sweet love into empty life gain everything SO LET SWEET LOVE INTO EMPTY LIFE SO LET SWEET LOVE INTO EMPTY LIFE GAIN EVERYTHING descend no further rather, ascend and let me into empty life i know i could die for you i could die and these past 18 months have been beautiful RISE UP AND LET SWEET LOVE INTO EMPTY LIFE AGAIN AND JUST FOR ONCE BE CONTENT WITH ME OH, I HAVE SEEN WHAT LOVE CAN DO IT CHANGES EVERYTHING i try to do it all love, hate, need, and give because i do it all for you descend no further rather, ascend and let sweet love INTO EMPTY LIFE AGAIN JUST FOR ONCE DANCE AND BE CONTENT WITH ME OH, SO LET SWEET LOVE INTO EMPTY LIFE everything is beautiful now my god i love the night everything is so beautiful now
18.
Tidal 03:14
(instrumental)
19.
20.
Angry Youth 06:49
angry youth what have you done? gone and got yourself a plastic gun what do you intend to do? gonna have some fun theologian what can you teach me? i already hate everyone around me what do you intend to do? gonna have some fun theologian what can you teach me? i already hate everyone around me what do you intend to do? gonna have some fun CROWDED ROOMS CAN FEEL SO EMPTY CROWDED ROOMS CAN BE SO EMPTY CROWDED ROOMS CAN GET SO EMPTY angry youth what have you done? gone and got yourself a plastic gun what do you intend to do? gonna have some fun CROWDED ROOMS CAN FEEL SO EMPTY CROWDED ROOMS CAN BE SO EMPTY CROWDED ROOMS CAN GET SO EMPTY I CAN'T BELIEVE I FEEL SO EMPTY so what is there for me to do? gonna have some fun i don't to play i think i'll use a real gun angry youth gonna have some fun gonna have some fun gonna have some fun

about

The remastered demo recordings from Michael Hahn's early years (1995-1997). This album was originally recorded on cassette via a home stereo system and public address microphones. Remastered circa 2010.

credits

released May 23, 1997

All songs by M. Hahn except "Here" by Gravity Kills.

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all rights reserved

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Mom Fears My Music Kennett Square, Pennsylvania

Michael Hahn is a singer, songwriter, sound designer, and recording engineer from Kennett Square, Pennsylvania. In his music he explores humor, love, loss, vulnerability, anger, and hope. Follow "Mom Fears My Music" on Facebook and Instagram.

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