Tortoise

by Michael Hahn

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about

The remastered demo recordings from Michael Hahn's early years (1995-1997). This album was originally recorded on cassette via a home stereo system and public address microphones. Remastered circa 2010.

credits

released May 23, 1997

All songs by M. Hahn except "Here" by Gravity Kills.

license

all rights reserved

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about

Mom Fears My Music Kennett Square, Pennsylvania

Michael Hahn is a singer, songwriter, sound designer, and recording engineer from Kennett Square, Pennsylvania. In his music he explores humor, love, loss, vulnerability, anger, and hope. Follow "Mom Fears My Music" on Facebook and Instagram.

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Track Name: Hiatus
she's leaving on the train today
red blending out my comfort pain
sometimes wishing crush would let me lay
residue stains cluttered in her wake
she's pulling everything from me
left lonely seeking sanity

AND I WON'T HELP YOU DESTROY YOURSELF
WHEN YOU CAN'T LET ME BE
AND I WON'T BRING YOU DOWN
TO MY LONELY LEVEL WITHOUT ME

so quiet hate becomes my free
it's only one who cannot see
my soul has washed the spirit clean
it's funny how lifeless it all seems

AND I WON'T HELP YOU DESTROY YOURSELF
WHEN YOU CAN'T LET ME BE
AND I WON'T BRING YOU DOWN
TO MY LONELY LEVEL WITHOUT ME

it's funny how lifeless it all seems
Track Name: Gone Wrong
stolen quietly just to hide
now it's taken us so long
i've left less here to confide
when did everything go wrong?

WELL I GUESS IT ALL WORKS OUT
ONE LESS THING WE'D LEFT OUT
WELL AT LEAST WE'D SAY WE TRIED

i'm leaving myself behind
slipping through your hands
your belief in me i keep in my mind
but my fear still defends

WELL I GUESS IT ALL WORKS OUT
ONE LESS THING WE'D LEFT OUT
WELL AT LEAST WE'D SAY WE TRIED

when did everything i know go wrong?
when did everything i know go wrong?
why did everything i do...

WELL I GUESS IT ALL WORKS OUT
ONE LESS THING WE'D LEFT OUT
WELL AT LEAST WE'D SAY WE TRIED

yeah, i tried
when did everything i know go wrong?
Track Name: Grey
and if the sky were to wash away tomorrow
would you remember me?
all we'd never see so far away
when you're with your friends, no jealousy
wait and see
they're doing all the things you'll never do
always wanted to

and if the sky were to wash away tomorrow
would you remember me?
all we'd never see, wait and see
when you see your friends, no jealousy
wait and see
they're doing all the things you'll never do
always wanted to

I JUST WANT TO BE THE WAY I USED TO BE
I JUST WANT TO BE THE WAY I USED TO BE
I JUST WANT TO BE FREE
I JUST WANT TO BE ME
WHY CAN'T I DESTROY MY PRIDE AND
LIVE AS MYSELF AGAIN?

and if your friends were to walk away tomorrow
would you feel jealousy?
all you'd ever be, wait and see
if i left you here by yourself
could you deal with everything yourself?

I JUST WANT TO BE FREE
I JUST WANT TO BE ME
I JUST WANT TO BE FREE
BUT I DON'T WANT MY PRIDE TO GET IN THE WAY

JUST WANT TO BE WHO I WANT TO BE
DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO LEAVE YOU HERE
JUST WANT TO BE FREE IN MYSELF
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO LEAVE YOU HERE
Track Name: Own Me Total
let me fill you up
until you can stand me no more
wait and see that i'd be the one
to help you through your life
i don't understand what i do to myself and to you
finally found a way back inside
finally found a way back inside

AND IF I GAVE IT ALL
I COULD NOT GET ENOUGH
BUT SOME DAY IT WILL ALL COME TO AN END
FINALLY FOUND A WAY BACK INSIDE

i just want to be your only
we're nothing without each other
know that first, oh
you're my drug
your comfort is my everything
my one and only love
finally found a way back inside

AND IF I SAID IT ALL
I COULD NOT GET ENOUGH
BECAUSE I STILL HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO PLAN
AND IF I KILL MY FRIENDS
STILL WOULDN'T FIND AN END
BUT SOME DAY THIS ALL WILL END FOR US
FINALLY FOUND A WAY BACK INSIDE
FINALLY FOUND A WAY BACK INSIDE

let me have the pleasure of knowing you love me
or can't you bear to see me satisfied?
oh, i just want you to love me even though i can't
love myself

HAVE I SAID ENOUGH?
DO YOU WANT ME TO BE THERE FOR YOU
FOREVER UNTIL WE DIE?
I FINALLY FOUND A WAY BACK INSIDE
FINALLY FOUND A WAY BACK INSIDE
Track Name: Juliet (Cheap Field)
what makes you so afraid?
is it the pain i feel?
what do you need from me?
will you be satisfied?
is it what i can't believe?
or is it what you refuse to see?

I'D GIVE THE WORLD TO YOU
LIKE YOU'D WANT ME TO
I'D GIVE THE WORLD TO YOU
BUT ALL I HAVE IS WHAT YOU SEE NOW

what makes her turn away?
is it the need i feel?
what can she see in me?
is she content with me?
is it what i cannot see?
or is it what she gave to me?

I'D GIVE THE WORLD TO YOU
LIKE YOU'D WANT ME TO
I'D GIVE THE WORLD TO YOU
BUT ALL I HAVE IS WHAT YOU SEE NOW

oh, yeah
my juliet
i'd give the world to you
like you want me to
i'd give the world to you
but all i've got is what you see now

I'D GIVE THE WORLD TO YOU
LIKE I KNOW YOU WANT ME TO
I'D GIVE THE WORLD TO YOU
BUT ALL I HAVE IS WHAT YOU SEE NOW
I'D GIVE THE WORLD TO YOU
LIKE I KNOW YOU WANT ME TO
I'D GIVE THE WORLD TO YOU
BUT I CAN'T
Track Name: Better About
go ahead, push me down
call me a faggot
does kicking me make you feel better?
do you hate me because i'm different
or do you see you in me
something you might be

DOES CALLING ME A FAGGOT HELP? OH, NO
DOES CALLING ME A FAGGOT HELP?

are you scared you might be me?
all this shit you pull every day
are you really hard?
or are you scared you might be soft?
does calling me a faggot help?

DOES CALLING ME A FAGGOT HELP? OH, NO
DOES CALLING ME A FAGGOT HELP? OH, NO

do you think I'm a faggot
or do you want to fuck me?
there, does that feel right?
does that feel right when it's you
you hate being called
i bet you hate being called
hate being called a faggot
called a faggot
don't you, faggot?

DOES CALLING ME A FAGGOT HELP? OH, NO
DOES CALLING ME A FAGGOT HELP? OH, NO
YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE

BECAUSE KICKING YOU
BECAUSE KICKING YOU
BECAUSE KICKING YOU
BECAUSE KICKING YOU
BECAUSE KICKING YOU
MAKES ME FEEL BETTER
ABOUT MYSELF
Track Name: Psilocybin
i know that you needed me
i wish i could need you more
you think i would want it all
but i wish i could just start off small
but you know how life can treat you bad
and you know how life can bring you down
i know you wanted that baby back
she'll never see her daddy again

I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD SET ME FREE
I WISH I WAS NOTHING LIKE ME
I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD LISTEN TO ME
I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD SET ME FREE

and inside is where it's kept
sticks or stoned doesn't mean a thing
i know i could have it all
i only wish i could just start off small

I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD SET ME FREE
I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD LISTEN TO ME
I WISH I WAS NOTHING LIKE ME
I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD SET ME FREE

and it seems i was wrong
just one step will get me gone
and it seems i could try

I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD SET ME FREE
I WISH I WAS NOTHING LIKE ME
I WISH, I WISH, I WISH, I WISH
BUT WISHES DON'T COME TRUE
NO, THEY NEVER DO
Track Name: Minus One
(instrumental)
Track Name: Clover
take me away from this bitter hatred between me and myself
take me away from this bitter hatred between me and my dad
take me away from this bitter hatred between me and my friends
take me from this love i have for those who hurt me

LIKE IT MATTERS ANYWAY

jealousy and empathy come one in the same
and i've been the same 23 times before

LIKE IT MATTERS ANYWAY

i've been the same so many times before
i've been the same so many times before
i've been the same 23 times before
times before
i've been the same and this is what she said

LIKE IT MATTERS ANYWAY
Track Name: Comfortable
i don't need anyone to tell me how to be
i don't need anyone trying to be me
it's my life
i'll do what i want to
it's my life
i'll live it how i want to
i don't need anyone to make me comfortable

i don't need anyone to tell me how to be comfortable
i'm comfortable in this place of mine
this place of me

i'm comfortable in what i have

I DON'T NEED ANYONE TO MAKE ME COMFORTABLE
I DON'T NEED ANYONE TO MAKE ME COMFORTABLE
OH, NO
I'M COMFORTABLE

i don't need anyone to make me comfortable
i'm happy in this place i've created for me
comfortable
comfortable
Track Name: Cockroach
i will leave this place
never to return again
all the things you say
you always try to get me
to stay

no matter what you do
i always will return
i'm always in your mind
and in your heart
i'll always
return

i won't leave again
always be here
watching you sitting there so beautiful
smoke your cigarettes and ask me
"how was your day?"

i will always come back
i'll always return
Track Name: Getaway
fast to get away i seem to be stuck here
she stands above me
preaching what she wants me to hear
but i'm gonna get away, i swear to god
yeah, i'm gonna get away, i swear to god
one of these days
i'm gonna get away, i swear to god

BUT SHE ONLY WAITS FOR ME
SHE DON'T NEED ANY HOME
SHE JUST WANTS TO BE WITH ME
I SWEAR I MAY NOT LEAVE HER TODAY
BUT I'M GONNA FIND SOMEONE ELSE
I'M FAST TO GET AWAY

she don't know what i want
she has no clue
she just sits there staring
got nothing to do
she don't care about what i think
she just uses me for my...
uh, mind
she just uses me for my mind

SHE JUST THINKS OF ME AS SOMETHING
SOMETHING TO
SHE JUST THINKS OF ME AS SOMETHING
ELSE TO PLAY WITH
STILL A KID
SHE DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS
JUST THINKS OF ME AS ANOTHER TOY
WELL, FUCK HER

because i found someone new
because i found someone new
i am so happy
i found someone new
and i won't ever be hurt again
she loves me
i have never been so happy
because she loves me
listen, bitch, all you did was use me
but i've got a new girl and i can't explain
how content i am, oh
there was a time when you thought i cared for you

FUCK YOU
I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE
I GOT A NEW GIRL
SOMEONE THAT I CARE FOR
SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME BACK
AND I'M FAST TO GET AWAY
FAST TO GET AWAY
AND NOW I'M GONE
Track Name: Dividend
(instrumental)
Track Name: Frog Hollow Road
i give in to
esoteric needs
empty life becomes
esoteric seeds

I WANT TO BE ALONE, BUT I
CAN NOT STAND ALONE, AND I
WILL NOT FALL AGAIN, SO I
DON'T CRUSH YOU AGAIN

i have fallen prey
to what you have said
i will lose myself
return, dying, dead

I WANT TO BE ALONE, BUT I
CAN NOT STAND ALONE, AND I
HOPE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, SO I
LOSE MYSELF AGAIN

i will kill myself
before i allow
what is left of me
destroy what's right of you

I WANT TO BE ALONE, BUT I
CAN NOT STAND ALONE, I NEED
YOU WITH ME AGAIN, SO I
WILL NOT DIE AGAIN

don't take my little town away
don't take my family away
don't take my little town away
i already miss the four of you
don't take my little town away
Track Name: C.O.D.
tell me what i am to do
little boys with their hands folded tight
little girls, legs crossed, submissive with fright
tell me what i am to do

speak to me of salvation
i can't get it through the t.v.
so what am i to do?
i can't get salvation through my television
so tell me what i am to do

SEND ME TEN-DOLLAR SALVATION
SEND ME TEN-DOLLAR SALVATION

are you lying to me?
don't you know that's a sin?
are you lying to me?
can you heal me?
can you heal me?
are you lying to me?
don't you know that's a sin?
are you lying to me?
don't you know that's a sin?

SEND ME TEN-DOLLAR SALVATION, YEAH
SEND ME TEN-DOLLAR SALVATION

you know what i think of you?
you know what i think of you?
you know what i think of you?

YOUR SPEAKERS ARE BRILLIANT
YOUR MORALS ARE CLEAN
I DON'T NEED YOU
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
WHEN I SAY THAT THIS GUILTLESS PARADING IS SIN
I DON'T NEED BOOKLETS TO LET JESUS IN
IF I AM SAVED, WELL I'LL KNOW FOR MYSELF
IF NOT I'LL SEE YOUR CORRUPT FACE IN HELL

SEND ME TEN-DOLLAR SALVATION

you already know what i think of you
are you lying to me?
don't you know that's a sin?
are you lying to me?
are you lying to me?
sinner

NOT YOUR PRAYERS
NOT YOUR BOOKS
I DON'T NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT I AM TO DO WITH MY LIFE
MOM TAUGHT ME FINE
I DON'T NEED TEN-DOLLAR SALVATION
THROUGH MY T.V.
STOP PREACHING TO ME
STOP PREACHING TO ME
MOM TAUGHT ME FINE
NOT YOUR PRAYERS
NOT YOUR BOOKS
NOT YOUR PREACHER'S GUILTY LOOKS
Track Name: Over
saw the news today on my t.v.
they said the world as we know it is over
well, what the fuck do they know anyway?
fuck the world and fuck my t.v.

WELL, THANKS FOR NOTHING
THANKS FOR NOTHING, MY FRIEND
WELL, THANKS FOR NOTHING, YEAH
THANKS FOR NOTHING, MY ONLY FRIEND

radio said the same as t.v. that day
radio said the same as t.v. that day
well they said,

THANKS FOR NOTHING, YEAH
THANKS FOR NOTHING, MY FRIEND
I SAID, THANKS FOR NOTHING
THANKS FOR NOTHING, MY ONLY FRIEND
I SAID, THANKS FOR NOTHING
THANKS FOR NOTHING, MY FRIEND
I SAID, THANKS FOR NOTHING
YOU SURE GAVE ME NOTHING MY FRIEND
Track Name: Night Dreams
i create both my hate and my joy
first and last, i know this
let them into your life
gain everything
win, lose, live
it's all the same
so let sweet love into empty life
gain everything

SO LET SWEET LOVE
INTO EMPTY LIFE
SO LET SWEET LOVE
INTO EMPTY LIFE
GAIN EVERYTHING

descend no further
rather, ascend
and let me into empty life
i know i could die for you
i could die
and these past 18 months
have been beautiful

RISE UP AND LET SWEET LOVE
INTO EMPTY LIFE AGAIN
AND JUST FOR ONCE
BE CONTENT WITH ME
OH, I HAVE SEEN WHAT LOVE CAN DO
IT CHANGES EVERYTHING

i try to do it all
love, hate, need, and give
because i do it all for you
descend no further
rather, ascend
and let sweet love

INTO EMPTY LIFE AGAIN
JUST FOR ONCE
DANCE AND BE CONTENT WITH ME
OH, SO LET SWEET LOVE INTO EMPTY LIFE

everything is beautiful now
my god
i love the night
everything is so beautiful now
Track Name: Tidal
(instrumental)
Track Name: Angry Youth
angry youth
what have you done?
gone and got yourself
a plastic gun
what do you intend to do?
gonna have some fun

theologian
what can you teach me?
i already hate
everyone around me
what do you intend to do?
gonna have some fun

theologian
what can you teach me?
i already hate
everyone around me
what do you intend to do?
gonna have some fun

CROWDED ROOMS CAN FEEL SO EMPTY
CROWDED ROOMS CAN BE SO EMPTY
CROWDED ROOMS CAN GET SO EMPTY

angry youth
what have you done?
gone and got yourself
a plastic gun
what do you intend to do?
gonna have some fun

CROWDED ROOMS CAN FEEL SO EMPTY
CROWDED ROOMS CAN BE SO EMPTY
CROWDED ROOMS CAN GET SO EMPTY
I CAN'T BELIEVE I FEEL SO EMPTY

so what is there for me to do?
gonna have some fun
i don't to play
i think i'll use a real gun
angry youth
gonna have some fun
gonna have some fun
gonna have some fun

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